No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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