I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
