Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
