The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
