She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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