Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
