I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
