it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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