My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
