Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize