you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
