Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
