Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
