Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
