Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
