The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
