You're my little dorito
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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