Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
