You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
