Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
