I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
