you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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