This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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