you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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