so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
