i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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