You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
