Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
