so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
