How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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