this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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