I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
