why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
