I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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