Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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