The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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