If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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