the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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