I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
