I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize