I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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