put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
cat food counts as protein by the way
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
