Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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