I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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