She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize
