it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
