Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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