In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i believe in u and ur pee
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
