Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
