I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
