At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
