you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
then he tried to convert me to islam
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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