I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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