Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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