I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
