You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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