I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
