At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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