i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
