Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
