why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish you could order shots online.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize