I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I touched a dick in church today
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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