my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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